SXSW reviews in SIX words or less

Very funny article someone emailed me this morning, but it was posted on the 12th of March, right before SXSW began: Six-Word Reviews of 763 bands at SXSW. The author reviews and rates all the mp3s avail from the SXSW 2008 site, but as the title of the article states: in only Six, well thought-out words. Some of my favorites: (and i am not even done reading the whole article):

Army of Freshmen "Juliet" : "Theme for cable show about douchebags." ***
Faux Fox "Nothing Gold" : "This song repeatedly teabags the listener." *
Shooting Spires "Right" : "Brooklyn is a heaven for beards." ** (i think haven would work just as well)
The Strange Boys "Nothing" : "Like a garage-sale mix tape." *****
Thee Armada "Rock, Shock & Load" : "I’M PLAYING GUITAR WITH MY COCK!" *